Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize