But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
