the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
