somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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