i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
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