kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
