Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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