I molested 6 butterflies tonight
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize