Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
