He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
