I wish I could punch you in the face.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Rumble strips road head = magical
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
