she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
