Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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