Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
