my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
