Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Randomize
