i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
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