The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
