Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
