Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
