my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
