So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
