I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
