I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
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