So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Boobs speak an international language.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
