Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
