I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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