I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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