im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
