So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
now i know why i became what i already was.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
We have so much sex to catch up on
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
