I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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