how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
