My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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