i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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