Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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