Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
