I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
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