The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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