We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
