So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
