I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
