You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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