I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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