Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
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