you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
