what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
