im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
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