Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
