i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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