from now on my penis is your penis
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
