Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
you are never too drunk for berry picking
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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