I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
