i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
