Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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