Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I got her a Nickelback box set.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
