I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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