As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
