At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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