in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
