I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
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