Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
