dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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