she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
