I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
The struggles of a small town man whore
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
