He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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