The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
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