after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
