I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize