i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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