We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
