I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize