Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Randomize
