Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
