I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
