that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
She needs sedatives and a leash
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Randomize
