I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
