Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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