Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
