My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize