i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
