I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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