Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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