Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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