What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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