btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
