Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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