I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
