Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
