U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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