Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
