talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
