your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
