Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
