literally had 100 drinks last night.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
