I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
