I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Randomize
