Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
