You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
and she was petting her beer can
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
