he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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