sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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