I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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