Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
