Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
